APR 11, 2011
Romantical Reminiscing
I don't like to try and be friends with exes. I've outlined this fact in several other pieces, but lately I've been thinking about it again. I've searched my brain to think of those that I dated or even just had an "understanding" with, attempting to figure out if there were some that I wouldn't mind sitting around and having a smoke with. What I came up with was 3 separate lists.
The first list was those that I wouldn't ever want to see or speak to ever again. This list is longest, as I tend to have the adorable ability to pick the absolute worst people for me. I'm just as much to blame for the demise of these relationships, as I would chase after these wrong choices and make a fool of myself in the process. The people on this list could die horrible deaths, be abducted by aliens or vanish into thin air, and I wouldn't be more ecstatic. Whenever I'm done with one of these relationships, I wish I had the magical ability to make it happen.
The second list is shorter but has a moderate amount of people on it. This is the list of people that I could hang out with, albeit under uncomfortable circumstances. I could sit back and reminisce about the good times that we had together, but the extent of our conversations would end at just that. These were the people that I grew apart from and matured past. While they had their place in my life and formed who I was, revisiting much beyond "Hey, do you remember when...?" just isn't going to happen.
The last list only has one name on it.
I recently ended a relationship that, in time doesn't seem all that long was actually quite powerful and I will likely always view as the "great love of my life". I'm eternally grateful that it didn't end badly and although I can't help but feel a tingling inside me when I hear his name, I know that in the end the split was for the best. Over the course of these past few months, the relationship quietly drifted apart while my undue animosity towards him wore off and our friendship grew. It's not that the two of us have all that much in common, but we somehow managed to get along and see things from each other's perspective. We traded off on things that the other didn't have. He helped me with my internet and I taught him how to speak his mind more. (Not knowing for certain what his type was then, I would render a guess now that he was an INTJ.)
Although I freely admit that I was both in no place nor in the right frame of mind to take on a boyfriend when we met, I did. And I have not regretted it. I only regret that my lack of honesty and broken, misplaced trust managed to ruin something beautiful and wonderful.
We're attempting to try something new. Getting along for so many reasons and trying to be as good of friends as we can. He claims that he doesn't have girl friends but I guess for the time being I am an exception.
And yet...
And yet a part of me misses the boyfriend he used to be. We wouldn never work if we decided to try again and see where the relationship would go. There has been too much strain and stress on the both of us that may have very well permanently damaged the relationship and put a block on any future attempts at making another go round of it. But he will always have my respect, my love in a way that no one else ever could or will. I admit that I miss him terribly. He's a great person, and one I almost didn't end up knowing because of my reluctance to allow new people into my inner circle. He is the only person that I could and can talk to without skipping a beat, without awkwardness or hidden motives. He got a hell of a lot closer to me than even the top tier of men in my life have.
I don't know if I envy people who can be friends with their exes. Personally, it's too much work, and I just don't want to deal with it. Sure, there are those that you might want to remain cordial with on the off chance that you might get a crack at having a "for old time's sake" fuck, but for the most part, unless someone is really the stellar horizontal mambo partner, it usually ends up being more trouble than it's worth. Sex with someone from the first list was always exceptional, but I just don't have the money to replace 4 tires after I go out to my car and discover that they've sliced.
I've grown up enough to know that I can get by just fine with a good friendship and a nice stockpile of Duracels for BOB
